Excitement!

I absolutely can not wait! I am on the edge of my seat, I take breaths of anticipation, My mind, heart and body are ready to serve, please and enjoy. I am seeing Master this weekend!!!


It's awesome that I still feel this excitement.. Master and I are nearly on our third year together and I can honestly say  the excitement of seeing him, the anticipation of serving and feeling him still runs rampant.

I have a special ritual that I follow, "do" before I see him. One part is sadly put on hold. I am not allowed to bring lunch or dinner to share with Master. He reasons that it is a distraction and for awhile he wants to focus on me, his gracie hole and that it will return..(I should smile, I am lucky..) It just feels like something is missing from my ritual that I have personally done for him for awhile now. He took that away..for now. I hope soon I can add it back to my routine.

Also in the past I picked a special night for both of us...now it seems it's only my night now and it just isn't the same now. I miss that and don't look forward to choosing just my "night". ..Sounds kinda one sided.
Change isn't always good or for the best, and maybe not always a necessity. Shrugs, I just miss it, nothing I can do about it.


This week has been a good week, the  long days of  work leads to a few nice days away from the grind.
I have been busy in my ""free"" time with assignments from Master and I am very thankful for those. They keep me busy and as I work on them, I think about my Master.
This week's quote:
"The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware." ~Henry Miller


My favorite dish or food this week:
 Tomatoes, fresh, locally grown tomatoes!

Tuesday's Lecture:
LISTEN

 What am I reading?
The Bonesetter's Daughter  by: Amy Tan and  A book of poetry by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Music this week:
Lady gaga video HOT!  

Improvements

Summer is near. The air is beginning to be hot and thick. The sky is blue and the evening thunderstorms that occur in the summer are the perfect background noise for thoughts, evening day dreaming and reflection. I enjoy every season, Autumn is my favorite season, I count the summer days. The count ceases  when I see the first leaf turn and I feel that morning crispness that one can only feel when things are preparing for their soon to come winter rest.

 The last week there has been at least a few moments of thunder, hard rain and bright cracks of lightning. The last week or so I have had moments of reflection along with the evening thunderstorms.


I have thought about self improvement. Losing weight, (when is that NOT on the list) laying down the cigarettes, and using my time more wisely. None of these things are easy to accomplish. I tread on. Do I dare wander into the phrase "One Day At A Time?".It's kinda like the movie ground hog day..I keep living the same day over and over, Another catch phrase: "I think I can, I think I can"...I hope to replace with "Yes, I can, Yes, I can." Or I could become the past tense version of the Nike slogan "Just Do it." commercial and I can say "I did it!"

Another area of self-improvement that I desire is in my submission to my Master. Our relationship is no different than any other relationship. It does have its ups, downs and limitations. Sometimes the limitations make me feel less. The downs sometimes make me cry. The UPS are what I try to grab and hold onto. It's not always easy. To err is human.

I miss my Master. It is not easy to be away from the one you serve and worship. The craving to give, serve and please is sometimes over whelming. I try to expend some of that energy to others in my life. I try to give and please them...it just isn't the same.


I just want my Master to know that even though we hit our bumps, when I have my moments of non clarity, that I do respect, trust, adore and love him. The bumps aren't fun, but are necessary for a relationship to grow and continue.


I read this week about a ring that was made by a characters friend.. He was showing it the ring to someone who has asked about the ring. He said "See these indentations? He told me they were to remind me that there are a lot of bumps in life and that I should remember what lies between them. Love, Friendship, and hope."


xx



 

I still feel Master. Even after a weeks passing, I can still see Him on my body. I wonder if he does me as well? Did I leave a mark somehow or somewhere...so that he may continue to feel and see me? xx

Reflection on my service...and I have an itch..

I have an "itch".

I am a bondage barbie, pain princess, a pig for His BOOTS, and a service kind of girl all wrapped up in one package. It has been weeks and I have an "itch."


While I submit in heart and mind while apart from my Master: I crave to feel Him in person.

Today my thoughts have been directed at service. I want to serve Him, give to Him and ultimately please Him.

Often I ask anything? Anything that I can do for You Master?

I do crave to worship his cock, feel his bondage and fly with his pain.. I crave even more so His pleasure in anything that I can give to him and in anything I can do for Him.

I found an email I wrote two years ago. Master had asked me about my perception of service. We were fairly new together at this time and I enjoyed the opportunity that allowed me to voice my view of service.

January 22, 2008

I would like to begin with saying "Thank you". No one has never asked me what service is or what it means to me. Over the last few days, I have thought often about that question and will try to the best of my ability to put into words what service means to me. Again, thank you Daddy Sir for asking. xx

This is how i feel about service. I haven't had a lot of experience with service. However, i know what i feel and who i am. xx

Service is what i do as a submissive to please. My service is offered to meet my Sir's needs and desires. Whether i am being masso to his sadist, his friend, his lover, his sex partner or serving him domestically. No one thing is beneath me in service to him. His needs and pleasures come first. Pleasing him, making him happy, and making his day/life easier meets the need that i have to serve.


i  like to use the adage "it's better to give than to receive", to describe the service part of myself. It isn't always the action of service, it is the attitude and thought processes that i go through. That is my core. My service submissive core. It also means that i take the good with the bad. Just because it isn't something i wouldn't like to do, doesn't mean i wouldn't do it. Again, much better to give to you and put your needs and desires first.


Serving you would be through the way that i behave, obey, carry out tasks, the way that i talk, walk, carry myself and serve you sexually.. Service is dedication to one. Serving would be pleasing you. Putting you at ease and making you happy. Service is a thought, an action. Thoughts and actions that are centered around you.


 i am  learning to ask to speak. Learning how to ask if there is anything that i can do for you Sir. Sir, may i massage you, Sir, may i make you a coffee, Sir, may i sweep your floor and scrub it, Sir, may i clean your ashtray,  Sir, may i iron or fold your laundry. Sir, may i service you sexually? The list can be infinite.


 i do want to offer service. i crave not only the things that we talk about and do, i crave serving you in many other ways. i crave to give you service, to put your desires and needs first. i want to do for you without being asked or being told to do. i want to see you smile when i offer service and do for YOU. . i really hope to please you in this area of service  the next time we meet. xx


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I smiled as I read over this email I wrote so long ago. We've come a long way Master..

xx

I am tired, sore and MOVED!

 The move went smoothly and I now reside in my " 'lil house."

Master was out of town this weekend.. I missed him. Staying busy with the move has helped lots.


He sent me a recording Thursday night of His voice. A "follow directions" trance induction recording. (I hope I have described this correctly).

I turned it on Friday and Saturday night and followed the directions. I get so hot hearing his voice, He could have recorded The Preamble to the Constitution and I would have gotten off!

It was hot to follow direction and feel my submission. Feeling in my place, I wanted to stay, own and hold on to that feeling.

I lit two candles,inserted Priscilla and laid on the floor as directed and listened to nearly 30 minutes of my Master's voice. I relaxed, grew wet and excited and came for my Daddy Master Sir.

and after the surge of electricity that I felt throughout my body and the release..I released another way. I cried...

I am still trying to figure out and realize why I cried. I remember a time  that I cried after masturbating and I don't like remembering that time period.

Was it exhaustion from work intertwined with a major move, missing Master and all the other daily, normal life bullshit?

Who knows? I can't wait to talk with Him and hopefully it will be soon. I waited hoping he would bend his limit and call me sometime over the weekend. I guess sometimes I hope for too much and should be thankful for what I do receive...

Tomorrow is Monday..Grr..I  hope for a pretty blue sky and a warm sun for such a dreadful day.


xx

Catch up time xx

Wow! It has been a few months since I last wrote here. 

A quick catch up:

I am moving into my little house. The house I have owned for sometime. The last few years the house was in use by a local shelter.I picked women that had shown great healing and progress. Abused and homeless women were the occupants of my little house. I found this house shortly after my Mother passed away and to deal with her death and what she went through I decided to help other women in the same circumstances that my mother was in most of her life. 

The last few months I have lived in an apartment and I haven't felt quite "at home". I have never lived in my little house and now, I plan on making it my home. 

Saturday is the big day and with my son's help and their friends we will get it done!

Writing continues with the book I am writing. I am not an English major, nor am I grammatically correct. It has been nice to sit in the quiet and expel my thoughts onto actual paper. I enjoy going back a few days later and reading what has escaped from my mind and heart. 

My middle son will turn 18 next week. My where has the time gone? Preparation for his graduation in May is ongoing. We are having a dispute. As when my oldest son graduated high school, I wanted to have family and friends over to celebrate. This son doesn't want that. He wants to leave right after the graduation ceremony and drive to Florida with his friends. Picking battles is what I do. Not sure if I want or should pick this one. 

Baseball season starts soon. My youngest will be playing in machine pitch this year. I am looking forward to watching my 'lil slugger play.

Work is work,is going smoothly and I do enjoy the long weekends every week. All nurses should have days off at a time, so that they may rest, recoup and avoid burn out.

Time with Master has, should I say been very limited. While I do not work part of the week, he does and chooses not to see me. That leaves the weekends and he has been busy, doing things with his father. I miss him very much. However, I have no place there with him when it comes to vanilla, normal things.. I am happy that he can enjoy his time with his father. 

Time away does not turn off desire, cravings and needs. I do my best not to whine. I feel like he takes it that I am whining now when I try to tell him I crave and need him. 


If I could whisper in his ear. I would whisper.."Master, I crave and need to feel you in so many ways. Master, please cage me, bind me, hurt me and enable me to revel in my submission to You. Master, I need to smell, touch, taste and feel you."


I am always his submissive. Its hard to feel connected, wanted and needed through words on a screen. 




That's my update and now that I am sharing this blog with my Master, I will be back more often as time allows.


xx

 

It's that time of year again.....

Wow, Christmas Eve is here.

I have had such a nice day with my sons. They were over for breakfast and spent the rest of the day with their Father. I am expecting them back here shortly. (I have a few minutes to just stop and blog..YAY!)

Oh and my youngest son and I made a gingerbread house today! Our first. It was fun, cute and we will do it again next year.

Having three sons, working and serving Master keeps me busy. Oh another new update. I am writing a book! It's a secret. The plot etc etc. Master, has encouraged me to continue writing. (This book is not lifestyle related). It's topic/plot is very special and dear to my heart.

I lack the formal "English" training to write "correctly"..but I can wing it, if no one never reads whats inside of me, does it really matter? No...Getting it out and feeling it personally is what I am taking from this endeavor.

Master, found  a few great writing programs and I have been on a writing frenzy the last few weeks. The programs are great. They help organize thoughts, characters, and events.

Not seeing Master for Christmas and trying to fight the "i must be a freak to him" feelings. It would be nice to spend the holidays with my Master and sons. DREAM ON...Have I mentioned I am fighting this feeling and trying not to even think about it? smile. enough said. It is such a small thing in the big picture. I am happy and am having a wonderful holiday with my family.

I do get my Master for New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. We brought in this year together, saw it through and will bring in another new year together. We will be hiking in the Northeast Georgia mountains, sleeping under the stars and kissing under the full moon...and FREEZING. HaHaHa. It is hard work, carrying a pack and walking those trails. But you know what, I would follow him anywhere!

I will close my eyes, when freezing and think about Him readying his fireplace for us to lay next to and kiss. HAHAHHAAH...Romantic...that's another day and another blog entry. ..I need me some ROMANCE..along with my submission...sounds "Not right" doesn't it.?

Nearly time for my favortie holiday movie..."The Christmas Story."....Happy Holidays.

xx