I awoke this morning with my hands between my legs. I awoke this morning with a swollen clit, wet pussy and hard nipples. Laying there I began to enjoy myself as I imagined my Master playing with me. I began to whisper words and thoughts and my body reacted with my naughty, nasty and twisted thoughts.
Your Boots, I hear them, the power and manliness they manifest to me. I want to kneel and worship your boots Master. I want to lick the dust, dirt and shit off of your boots. Shine them with my tongue and give to them soft, fluttering butterfly kisses. Spreading my legs, I look up at you Master as I slide my pussy down onto the toe of your boot and gyrate down onto your boot.
I rub my pussy and suck my nipple as I imagine and whisper out loud: Kick me Master with your boots, kick my ass. Spit on my ass and work the toe of your boot into my tight ass. Stretch me with your boot Master.
I spread my legs wider and the cool air of my bedroom mingles with the hotness of my pussy as I whisper... Master choke me with your cock slap my face and. Grab my hair and push me down, hard and fast onto your cock. Master skull fuck me and see if I swallow my vomit or let it loose all over your cock.....Do i spit or swallow?
My finger slides into my sticky wet pussy hole as I lick my lips with the words ...Oh Master, please bend over and let me kiss your ass. Soft kisses to your wonderful ass. Feel my face parting your ass cheeks as my tongue licks the crack of your ass from top of your ass and flicks your balls. My tongue projects into your asshole and i push my face harder as I want my tongue deeper into your ass, swirling around attempting to taste all of you.
Two fingers slide and fuck my pussy as I whisper words that I want to say to my Master after I have the taste of his ass on my tongue. Master, I am your nasty, piece of ass worshiping trash. I am your twisted lil fucker. Master, please use me as your full service toilet Master.
As my self fucking grows faster and more intense, thoughts and words just pour out of my mouth. Things I think about, dream about and make me so fucking hot and wet.....
Master, use all of my holes. Penetrate, violate and stretch them.
Clamps on my pussy, a vibe running rampant on my pussy and my orgasm being denied over and over again...
Insertions in my pussy, anything Master wants to use, even your fingers or fist. Pulling, stretching and sliding up inside of my gushing wetness.
Use my ass please Master. Spit onto my ass Master and slide your cock into my ass. Stretch it with Your fingers and tell me how naughty and nasty I am being an ass girl. Bite my back, pull my hair.
Mark me with bites, sucks, welts and please pierce me Master.I want to feel you and your bondage between my legs.
Treat me like the animal i am Master, feed me from a bowl on the floor, pull my leash to follow you and throw me in my cage.
Put me in rope Master, oh please bind me and sit and watch me, Not being able to move. I am for your viewing pleasure.
Thoughts of your bondage Master, send me over the edge, I shake, jiggle and then explode for You Master.... I lay there spent, and in afterglow..wishing You had seen how naughty I was this morning..with my actions and my words whispered and even shouted while I laid in my bed, naked and open for you Master.
xx
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Sunday, August 1, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Part One....A basic need. She waits.
1. She waits and waits. Seems the slut always waits.
2. She craves and craves. Seems the slut always craves.
3. She dreams and dreams. Seems the slut always dreams.
~~~~ Part one of three ~~~~
1. She waits for Him. Either online or waits for the opportunity to see Master in person. Nearly three years into the relationship and there are other things she waits to happen. Master calls these things limits. She calls them basic and human wants and needs. She reflects and thinks about Maslow's hiercy of needs.
Want and needs are different she knows that. Every relationship is based on those being fulfilled. Needs should be fulfilled if possible, and wants can be granted by compromise, or even denied. For her, wants can be appeased.
She isn't allowed to bathe at her Master's house. Once or has it been twice she has asked and Master has said NO?He offered to shorten their time together so she will not have the need to bathe at his home.That is why she has not asked again. Doesn't he see their time together as precious? He tells her she will think "too much" of bathing? It makes her feel unworthy and not special. To her its not him being more Masterly. It's him not caring about basic needs. When she has to use a "trick rag/towel" it cheapens her submission and not in a good way.She doesn't feel special or treasured, just an object or weekend plaything when she has to ask for a rag to clean herself with.. She gives him her submission, trust and all that she can and she can't bathe. A basic need.
She always sees the glass half full. However, this is something that has been bothering her for awhile. It hurts her and while the length of her long term relationship is great and the relationship is wonderful, this is one thing that is lacking.
After time can't limits be re-evaluated as respect, trust, friendship and submission have grown and bloomed?
She just needs to be able to bathe. It isn't a grand request or uncomprehending. This is her way of asking and isn't her being bitchy. It's her way of bringing it to the table for discussion. She would never demand anything, as that is her not her nature. She's just asking.
Always Xx
2. She craves and craves. Seems the slut always craves.
3. She dreams and dreams. Seems the slut always dreams.
~~~~ Part one of three ~~~~
1. She waits for Him. Either online or waits for the opportunity to see Master in person. Nearly three years into the relationship and there are other things she waits to happen. Master calls these things limits. She calls them basic and human wants and needs. She reflects and thinks about Maslow's hiercy of needs.
She isn't allowed to bathe at her Master's house. Once or has it been twice she has asked and Master has said NO?He offered to shorten their time together so she will not have the need to bathe at his home.That is why she has not asked again. Doesn't he see their time together as precious? He tells her she will think "too much" of bathing? It makes her feel unworthy and not special. To her its not him being more Masterly. It's him not caring about basic needs. When she has to use a "trick rag/towel" it cheapens her submission and not in a good way.She doesn't feel special or treasured, just an object or weekend plaything when she has to ask for a rag to clean herself with.. She gives him her submission, trust and all that she can and she can't bathe. A basic need.
She always sees the glass half full. However, this is something that has been bothering her for awhile. It hurts her and while the length of her long term relationship is great and the relationship is wonderful, this is one thing that is lacking.
After time can't limits be re-evaluated as respect, trust, friendship and submission have grown and bloomed?
She just needs to be able to bathe. It isn't a grand request or uncomprehending. This is her way of asking and isn't her being bitchy. It's her way of bringing it to the table for discussion. She would never demand anything, as that is her not her nature. She's just asking.
Always Xx
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Lectures ...are needed sometimes...
Master and I enjoyed Wednesday evening together. It was a very special treat to be allowed to visit his home on a weekday. We attended a class together and spent a few hours later at his home. I drove home floating and had happy submissive thoughts all day long on Thursday. I completed my weekly assignments early, had them waiting to be emailed and was waiting on Master to come online. Wow how fast can a bubble be busted? I received a lecture. The previous night I had broke Master's rule.
Master requires me to ask for permission before I speak, and to always answer him with a yes Sir and no Sir. For the life of me I can't get this down to perfection. Am I stupid? Am I suffering from onset of early Alzheimer's Disease? Am I a sorry ass submissive? I fucked up plain and simple.
I waited all day to speak to him, I was still on that submissive high. The tears poured and the self doubt poured as well as I "listened" to the lecture. It's hard when you are told, You didn't follow the rule, so you were not feeling submissive. Feelings are subjective, they are not objective. If they were objective, we would be mind readers and no one could hide how they feel or think.
So I sat and listened to my Master. The rule is the only real rule that he has. Well it isn't the ONLY rule, but the most IMPORTANT. It's not a hard rule or unrealistic rule. I do not ignore the rule to be disrespectful.
I apologized, and told Master I can do better and I will try. Perfect is something I do not profess to be. Perfection is not attainable or realistic. I have tried in the past with others to be "perfect" and that was self destructive. I embrace the fact that I am a submissive who is human and not perfect.
What I do not embrace or enjoy is knowing I have disappointed Master. I let him down and by doing so let myself down. I want to obey and follow my Master's rules. That is who I am. I will do better. I can do better.
So what do Master's rules mean to me and how do they define me?
When I stepped into the "lifestyle" structure and rules were among the things I craved. They go right along with my need for service. I still need and desire rules, structure, and service to encompass my submission. This is what I searched for and this is what my Master is trying to give to me. I just need to be more alert and on my toes.
I need to listen and obey. I need to stop talking. Thats so hard for me, as I am a talky person. It just comes out of my mouth and perhaps I need to practice what I preached to my children. Think before you speak!
I want to make him happy. If Master isn't happy..I am not happy. I want to be what brings him pleasure and happiness. I want to be enough. Improvement is what I strive for and hope to attain..
I am sorry Master.
I can do better. xx
- Outside my window~ I see a crystal blue sky, hot humid air and a squirrel running atop the wooden fence.
- my thoughts~I made my bed this morning. Fresh sheets that are straight, crisp,smell like roses and I imagined playing, laying and sleeping in my bed, being held while I sleep and dream. Removing the "cob webs" from that side of my bed.
- Today's Quote..."The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of
others."
*~ Mahatma Gandhi ( I do lose myself when I serve and give to him.)
- i am thankful for~Having my house painted by my son and friends. They did a wonderful job and now each time I pull into my drive I can look at my house and smile.
- From my service training~ completing online, (email) assignments from Master. Nothing concrete that I can touch, feel and physically give. I am thankful for anything from Master, for each and every second,minute and hour. I gladly devour every morsel he gives to me.
- From the kitchen~ A picnic menu. Light,cool and refreshing food.
- i am wearing~ Capri Jeans and a black tank top
- i am creating~Painting some furniture this weekend maybe. Writing and hopefully can start working on Master's quilt again soon.
- my adventures this week~Seeing Master at the Eagle on Wednesday and being allowed to visit him for a bit on a work night! That was a first! This weekend, a picnic late evening or even at dark. I saw a few people at the park the other night with a table set eating at nine o'clock or so. The heat is terrible during the day and even early evening.
- Becoming well read~ I am reading Tolstoy's Anna Karenina online and A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.
- Todays Melody~ This week and Today's music has been jazz and blues. playing lots of hot, soul music.
- One of my favorite things~Visiting my neighbor and grooming her dog, running to the store for her, just helping her out is one of my favorite things that I do. I enjoy just doing for her. Like me, it's only her. Her children are grown and/or busy all the time and she is a widow. So in a way I can relate.
- Tuesday's Lecture~ Master's Time. I know he needs his time, just as I do. We both have our hobbies and families. I miss him so very much during are "off" weekends. I try to stay extra busy and focused on the half full glass.
- Picture of the week~ Yes, I wish he were here.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Wow what a weekend Master and I shared!
I always feel owned. However, when I lay eyes on Him, smell him and feel him, that reinforces everything.
Finally the table of shame was shined, Master, kept going over it, so I did not clean and shine it alone. It was a co-cleaning, co-polishing effort.
My usual chore of cleaning His bathroom was also completed. Kissing the spot where Master's ass rests makes me always close my eyes and I imagine him sitting there.
The kitchen was swept and mopped. I am so appreciative that Master allowed me to use a regular mop. In the past, I have always scrubbed the floor on my knees. The last time I cleaned it on my knees, it hurt really bad then and for a few days after. (I am getting old and useless.)
Serving Master brings me pleasure and happiness. I can't give him perfect beauty, riches, or a perfect submissive. I can give him my best.
I was allowed to defrost the food that I brought and Master enjoyed the sauce that I made from the peppers that we found at an area market.
Pistachio ice cream: How sweet is it that Master found my favorite ice cream and we shared some. Why my Master can be and is sweeter than any ice cream.
Oh and no, never would I or will I forget the magic pink butterfly. Master and I drove to an adult store and he picked out a cute pink butterfly vibrator. OMG, never in my 39 years have I gushed and enjoyed multiple orgasms like I did with Master this weekend. It wasn't just the butterfly, it was also having Master there between my legs. He kept the butterfly at his home (pouts), I guess that is for the best as I would become addicted and have a pink butterfly in my panties all the time...
Master also purchased another toy, that I am writing about...for his eyes only.
On the drive home, I smiled and started missing him as I listened to the radio and replayed our weekend together. There is no man, never has been one that I trust so deeply. My Master knows me like no one else.
Computer problems visited Master on Tuesday this week, thus preventing my weekly lecture. That could not be helped. I really, really, really missed it. It's one of those things that you have together, that you become accustomed to sharing and I never want to take it for granted.
Wishes are sometimes vain, superfluous and not realistic. If I had the power of wishing and know that it would come true, I would wish my Master would call me when "shit" happens.I wouldn't think "anything" about a call. It would not mean that our relationship was more than what he wants..I would think Master is being considerate.Really I prefer not to talk to Master when he is having computer issues. He isn't a happy camper. I am female and I am one who enjoys routine and when I wait, and hear the thunderstorms outside..I worry. On a lighter note, I do have fantasies, I confess, I do have the fantasy about him calling me, and getting me off on the phone...wouldn't take much..I am a wet, three holed slut every minute of the day...but I get that in real life which is much better.
Not sure what my weekend will hold for me, as I haven't made concrete plans with anyone, other than a visit to my best friend's daughter's 10th birthday party. "Aunt Maggie" will make an appearance, give Bre a kiss and watch her blow out her candles. No cake for me, the fatter fattest fat girl! I have done really well this week with walking and controlling what I eat and I have felt good physically this week.
I hope my Master will allow me to do for him while we are apart, this gives me purpose and gives to me the feeling that I am giving to him. That's all i want to do..is to give and make him happy.
Quote of the Week:
Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly, and they will show themselves great.~Ralph Waldo Emerson
What I am reading:
Candles Burning by Tabitha King and a collection of poetry by Longfellow
My favorite food of the week:
zucchini stir fried with onions and garlic..YUM
Music or song that I really enjoyed this week:
I'll meet You halfway by the black eyed peas
I always feel owned. However, when I lay eyes on Him, smell him and feel him, that reinforces everything.
Finally the table of shame was shined, Master, kept going over it, so I did not clean and shine it alone. It was a co-cleaning, co-polishing effort.
My usual chore of cleaning His bathroom was also completed. Kissing the spot where Master's ass rests makes me always close my eyes and I imagine him sitting there.
The kitchen was swept and mopped. I am so appreciative that Master allowed me to use a regular mop. In the past, I have always scrubbed the floor on my knees. The last time I cleaned it on my knees, it hurt really bad then and for a few days after. (I am getting old and useless.)
Serving Master brings me pleasure and happiness. I can't give him perfect beauty, riches, or a perfect submissive. I can give him my best.
I was allowed to defrost the food that I brought and Master enjoyed the sauce that I made from the peppers that we found at an area market.
Pistachio ice cream: How sweet is it that Master found my favorite ice cream and we shared some. Why my Master can be and is sweeter than any ice cream.
Oh and no, never would I or will I forget the magic pink butterfly. Master and I drove to an adult store and he picked out a cute pink butterfly vibrator. OMG, never in my 39 years have I gushed and enjoyed multiple orgasms like I did with Master this weekend. It wasn't just the butterfly, it was also having Master there between my legs. He kept the butterfly at his home (pouts), I guess that is for the best as I would become addicted and have a pink butterfly in my panties all the time...
Master also purchased another toy, that I am writing about...for his eyes only.
On the drive home, I smiled and started missing him as I listened to the radio and replayed our weekend together. There is no man, never has been one that I trust so deeply. My Master knows me like no one else.
Computer problems visited Master on Tuesday this week, thus preventing my weekly lecture. That could not be helped. I really, really, really missed it. It's one of those things that you have together, that you become accustomed to sharing and I never want to take it for granted.
Wishes are sometimes vain, superfluous and not realistic. If I had the power of wishing and know that it would come true, I would wish my Master would call me when "shit" happens.I wouldn't think "anything" about a call. It would not mean that our relationship was more than what he wants..I would think Master is being considerate.Really I prefer not to talk to Master when he is having computer issues. He isn't a happy camper. I am female and I am one who enjoys routine and when I wait, and hear the thunderstorms outside..I worry. On a lighter note, I do have fantasies, I confess, I do have the fantasy about him calling me, and getting me off on the phone...wouldn't take much..I am a wet, three holed slut every minute of the day...but I get that in real life which is much better.
Not sure what my weekend will hold for me, as I haven't made concrete plans with anyone, other than a visit to my best friend's daughter's 10th birthday party. "Aunt Maggie" will make an appearance, give Bre a kiss and watch her blow out her candles. No cake for me, the fatter fattest fat girl! I have done really well this week with walking and controlling what I eat and I have felt good physically this week.
I hope my Master will allow me to do for him while we are apart, this gives me purpose and gives to me the feeling that I am giving to him. That's all i want to do..is to give and make him happy.
Quote of the Week:
Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly, and they will show themselves great.~Ralph Waldo Emerson
What I am reading:
Candles Burning by Tabitha King and a collection of poetry by Longfellow
My favorite food of the week:
zucchini stir fried with onions and garlic..YUM
Music or song that I really enjoyed this week:
I'll meet You halfway by the black eyed peas
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Excitement!
It's awesome that I still feel this excitement.. Master and I are nearly on our third year together and I can honestly say the excitement of seeing him, the anticipation of serving and feeling him still runs rampant.
I have a special ritual that I follow, "do" before I see him. One part is sadly put on hold. I am not allowed to bring lunch or dinner to share with Master. He reasons that it is a distraction and for awhile he wants to focus on me, his gracie hole and that it will return..(I should smile, I am lucky..) It just feels like something is missing from my ritual that I have personally done for him for awhile now. He took that away..for now. I hope soon I can add it back to my routine.
Also in the past I picked a special night for both of us...now it seems it's only my night now and it just isn't the same now. I miss that and don't look forward to choosing just my "night". ..Sounds kinda one sided.
Change isn't always good or for the best, and maybe not always a necessity. Shrugs, I just miss it, nothing I can do about it.
This week has been a good week, the long days of work leads to a few nice days away from the grind.
I have been busy in my ""free"" time with assignments from Master and I am very thankful for those. They keep me busy and as I work on them, I think about my Master.
This week's quote:
"The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware." ~Henry Miller
My favorite dish or food this week:
Tomatoes, fresh, locally grown tomatoes!
Tuesday's Lecture:
LISTEN
What am I reading?
The Bonesetter's Daughter by: Amy Tan and A book of poetry by Ralph Waldo Emerson
Music this week:
Lady gaga video HOT!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Improvements
Summer is near. The air is beginning to be hot and thick. The sky is blue and the evening thunderstorms that occur in the summer are the perfect background noise for thoughts, evening day dreaming and reflection. I enjoy every season, Autumn is my favorite season, I count the summer days. The count ceases when I see the first leaf turn and I feel that morning crispness that one can only feel when things are preparing for their soon to come winter rest.
The last week there has been at least a few moments of thunder, hard rain and bright cracks of lightning. The last week or so I have had moments of reflection along with the evening thunderstorms.
I have thought about self improvement. Losing weight, (when is that NOT on the list) laying down the cigarettes, and using my time more wisely. None of these things are easy to accomplish. I tread on. Do I dare wander into the phrase "One Day At A Time?".It's kinda like the movie ground hog day..I keep living the same day over and over, Another catch phrase: "I think I can, I think I can"...I hope to replace with "Yes, I can, Yes, I can." Or I could become the past tense version of the Nike slogan "Just Do it." commercial and I can say "I did it!"
Another area of self-improvement that I desire is in my submission to my Master. Our relationship is no different than any other relationship. It does have its ups, downs and limitations. Sometimes the limitations make me feel less. The downs sometimes make me cry. The UPS are what I try to grab and hold onto. It's not always easy. To err is human.
I miss my Master. It is not easy to be away from the one you serve and worship. The craving to give, serve and please is sometimes over whelming. I try to expend some of that energy to others in my life. I try to give and please them...it just isn't the same.
I just want my Master to know that even though we hit our bumps, when I have my moments of non clarity, that I do respect, trust, adore and love him. The bumps aren't fun, but are necessary for a relationship to grow and continue.
I read this week about a ring that was made by a characters friend.. He was showing it the ring to someone who has asked about the ring. He said "See these indentations? He told me they were to remind me that there are a lot of bumps in life and that I should remember what lies between them. Love, Friendship, and hope."
xx
The last week there has been at least a few moments of thunder, hard rain and bright cracks of lightning. The last week or so I have had moments of reflection along with the evening thunderstorms.
I have thought about self improvement. Losing weight, (when is that NOT on the list) laying down the cigarettes, and using my time more wisely. None of these things are easy to accomplish. I tread on. Do I dare wander into the phrase "One Day At A Time?".It's kinda like the movie ground hog day..I keep living the same day over and over, Another catch phrase: "I think I can, I think I can"...I hope to replace with "Yes, I can, Yes, I can." Or I could become the past tense version of the Nike slogan "Just Do it." commercial and I can say "I did it!"
Another area of self-improvement that I desire is in my submission to my Master. Our relationship is no different than any other relationship. It does have its ups, downs and limitations. Sometimes the limitations make me feel less. The downs sometimes make me cry. The UPS are what I try to grab and hold onto. It's not always easy. To err is human.
I miss my Master. It is not easy to be away from the one you serve and worship. The craving to give, serve and please is sometimes over whelming. I try to expend some of that energy to others in my life. I try to give and please them...it just isn't the same.
I just want my Master to know that even though we hit our bumps, when I have my moments of non clarity, that I do respect, trust, adore and love him. The bumps aren't fun, but are necessary for a relationship to grow and continue.
I read this week about a ring that was made by a characters friend.. He was showing it the ring to someone who has asked about the ring. He said "See these indentations? He told me they were to remind me that there are a lot of bumps in life and that I should remember what lies between them. Love, Friendship, and hope."
xx
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