Me....Xx

Outside my window~ The air was crisp this morning. Could fall be near? Some see fall as the end of summer. The end that is signaled by falling leaves, pretty flower petals falling to the ground and the animals preparing for the winter. I see fall as an awakening similar to spring. It is a new season, a fresh season even with everything preparing for it’s winter slumber. In the fall, the air is crisp. Gone is the hot, humid days of summer. Cool winds sometimes blow in the fall and this uplifts my spirit and I wish for the new fall winds to carry me away. I wish I were a pretty yellow, red or orange leaf traveling in the fall wind.


My thoughts~ My to-do list. I think I have a little mouse ( EWWW) running on a wheel in my head sometimes. I think..”this has to be done, then this, oh and next do that.” I crave an empty mind this morning. Tired of thinking and escapism is the word on the tip of my tongue..and the word right behind the word escapism, it rests in the middle of my tongue, resting and causing me to salivate..rope..


Today’s Quote~ “There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.” -Beverly Sills




I am thankful for~ The ability to give and do for others, the ability to surrender my control and power to my Master. Perhaps it is a strange way to word things. I am a independent woman, mother and submissive with a slave’s heart. I help others because I always think if I were in their position, I would want someone to understand and care about where I was in life. My submission I give freely to my Master. It’s very special to me that I can let go and at the same time I remain strong in my submission. Wouldn’t a Master prefer a independent submissive? I do have my desires and needs, However, I don’t depend on anyone to fulfill all of them, part of that is up to me.  Okay I am rambling…hope I delivered my point with a little bit of clarity.


My Service~ I continue to do my weekly assignments. I have been lax in reporting my orgasms and audio time. I have tried to stay away from the computer when Master isn’t home. So I forget to report. If I could wish, I would wish for a day to serve Master in anyway that He wants. It has been a long time since I have done any cleaning and I miss that. There never seems to be enough time. I think it has been 2 months since I have stayed over night with Master…


From the Kitchen~ I made curry for Sir this week. Lots of spinach salads this week! Lots of chicken in my kitchen this week. If I grow feathers, will Master pluck them for me? Giggle.


I am wearing~ Jeans and a grey/black tshirt. Along with the cherry heart panties I slept in last night.,


I am creating~ Writing. It isn’t always easy but I am letting some of those “to do” things go for a little while as I start to devote some of my time to writing.


My adventures this week~ Seeing Master Wednesday night. He was so hot, and I was so wet and excited. Master fucked me twice and left my pussy tender the next day…I still feel tingles each time that I pause and think about it and I smile, tingle, bite my lower lip every time I think about NYLON.


What I am Reading~ I haven’t started a new book this week. That is not a bad thing. Some of my extra time has been spent on working out, better meal planning, homework with Seth and soccer practice.





One of my Favorite things~ The smell of fresh cut grass…and it wasn’t cut by me! HaHaHa


Tuesday’s Lecture~ Sometimes small things are big things. Like little undies or small postcards. I adore small undies and each postcard has made me smile BIG.

Picture of the Week~ I wish I could be right there…and I wished I had a picture of me worshiping Master’s Boots as well….When I am down there, kissing and licking, I feel my submission to my very core. Worshiping Master is one of my most favorite ways that I show him how much I respect, trust and adore Him..

My Week and Day ....Xx

Outside my window~ It is dark out. I am late getting to my assignments today. As I walked in tonight, I heard the tree frogs "begging" for rain so I went out back and sat on my porch in the dark and just listened to their music for a lil bit.


My thoughts~ Having just completed one of my assignments I realized I really don't like searching for those bondage pics. They make me crave it so badly and of course the girls in the pictures are usually model perfect makes me feel ugly and undesirable when i see that and then realize how badly I want to be tied, bound and played with.


Today’s Quote~ "It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan."
– Eleanor Roosevelt



I am thankful for~ My new  yoga mat. I have been stretching on it and i also use it when i listen to Master's audio.


My Service~ I have only done my assignments and some downloads for Master. It's been awhile since I have cleaned or served him in person and this is too a desire and ache that runs right beside the desire for His bondage and touch.


From the Kitchen~ Baked chicken and a spinach salad..yes am back on that kick again. Thank goodness.


I am wearing~ The hot pink shorts Master bought me and a pink tank top.


I am creating~ Making notes and thoughts about my story and I peeked at Master's quilt..soon I will start working on it steady.


My adventures this week~ I met with my adult "student" this week. I am teaching someone to read. I also met with Master briefly on Wednesday night. It was brief. However, it was a hot and delicious.


What I am Reading~ Fear Of  Flying   By: Erica Jong


One of my Favorite things~ my nightly cup of coffee....and morning coffee with Master of course!


Tuesday’s Lecture~ Drive safely...

Picture of the Week~ Honey is sweet.....Who wouldn't want a taste of Honey?

My Day and such xx

Outside my window~ Clear blue skies, and fresh cut grass.


My thoughts~ Working on me. Missing my Master…

Today’s Quote~ "Dreams come true. Without that possibility, nature would not incite us to
have them."
– John Updike


I am thankful for~ The people who I surround myself with.  They are some amazing people. My family, My Master, friends, neighbors and yes, even my co-workers.


My Service~ I continue to work on what I call email assignments. I call them such because they are emailed. I have completed several downloads for Master.
I saw Master last weekend for a short visit. There wasn’t anytime for me to do the  things I normally do for Him. I felt guilty and unfulfilled.


From the Kitchen~ I actually cooked tonight. I roasted a few fresh yellow squash along with some zucchini. I made roasted chicken breasts with garlic.


I am wearing~ The sexy nightie that Master gave me to wear and my pink sequined panties.. I feel sexy and cute. Wish he wanted to see.


I am creating~ Working on my story.


My adventures this week~ No adventure this week yet. There is a new movie being released Friday night that I want to see. I just need to finish the book first.


What I am Reading~ Eat Love and Pray by Elizabeth Gilbert


Music this Week~ I heard a song that I haven’t heard by Godsmack…Cry Like a bitch..I liked it.


One of my Favorite things~ Laying in my bed or sofa and having no sound  in the house and drifting off to sleep after listening to my Master’s voice and having an orgasm.


Tuesday’s Lecture~ Maggie is doing a good job was this week’s lecture. I hope Master is happy with me. I feel like I never do enough sometimes..I miss him and last Saturday flew by.


Picture of the Week~ Sweet things sometimes are found in the most surprising places….grins.


I miss You Master…xx

My Day xx

• Outside my window~ The thunder roars and the lighting is quick and bright. The sky is dark and the air is wet with RAIN.
• my thoughts~ My to do list in running circles in my head. I think I have a hamster up there running on its wheel.

• Today's Quote.. Really great people make you feel that you, too, can become great." - Mark Twain

• i am thankful for~ Air conditioning! Ice water and the month of October!
• From my service training~ completing online, (email) assignments from Master.
• From the kitchen~ Chicken Salad and maybe an okra salad
• i am wearing~ Khakis and a pink blouse
• i am creating~ Haven't created anything physical. In thoughts and writing I have created.
• my adventures this week~ Driving Nate and Jake to the airport really messed with the start of the week.
•  
• Becoming well read~ Thirteen Moons by Charle's Frazier
• Todays Melody~ I heard OMG by usher today in the car..I always turn that song up loud..makes me want to dance and jiggle
• One of my favorite things~When I step outside and walk back into the house and smell what I have cooking in the kitchen.
• Tuesday's Lecture~ Master's lecture consisted of telling me that I was doing a good job with the to do list that he incorporated a month or so ago. It has helped me and hopefully him as well. Good idea Master!
• Picture of the week~ I am his bound slave. I feel his control and power. I am always below and behind him in his presence and in my thoughts. I am your slave Master.

Early Morning whispers xx

I awoke this morning with my hands between my legs. I awoke this morning with a swollen clit, wet pussy and hard nipples. Laying there I began to enjoy myself as I imagined my Master playing with me. I began to whisper words and thoughts and my body reacted with my naughty, nasty and twisted thoughts.

Your Boots, I hear them, the power and manliness they manifest to me. I want to kneel and worship your boots Master. I want to lick the dust, dirt and shit off of your boots. Shine them with my tongue and give to them soft, fluttering butterfly kisses. Spreading my legs, I look up at you Master as I slide my pussy down onto the toe of your boot and gyrate down onto your boot.

I rub my pussy and suck my nipple as I imagine and whisper out loud: Kick me Master with your boots, kick my ass. Spit on my ass and work the toe of your boot into my tight ass. Stretch me with your boot Master.

I spread my legs wider and the cool air of my bedroom mingles with the hotness of my pussy as I whisper... Master choke me with your cock slap my face and. Grab my hair and push me down, hard and fast onto your cock. Master skull fuck me and see if I swallow my vomit or let it loose all over your cock.....Do i spit or swallow?


My finger slides into my sticky wet pussy hole as I lick my lips with the words ...Oh Master, please bend over and let me kiss your ass. Soft kisses to your wonderful ass. Feel my face parting your ass cheeks as my tongue licks the crack of your ass from top of your ass and flicks your balls.  My tongue projects into your asshole and i push my face harder as I want my tongue deeper into your ass, swirling around attempting to taste all of you.



Two fingers slide and fuck my pussy as I whisper words that I want to say to my Master after I have the taste of his ass on my tongue. Master, I am your nasty, piece of ass worshiping trash. I am your twisted lil fucker. Master, please use me as your full service toilet Master.

As my self fucking grows faster and more intense, thoughts and words just pour out of my mouth. Things I think about, dream about and make me so fucking hot and wet.....

Master, use all of my holes. Penetrate, violate and stretch them.

 Clamps on my pussy, a vibe running rampant on my pussy and my orgasm being denied over and over again...

Insertions in my pussy, anything Master wants to use, even your fingers or fist. Pulling, stretching and sliding up inside of my gushing wetness.

Use my ass please Master. Spit onto my ass Master and slide your cock into my ass. Stretch it with Your fingers and tell me how naughty and nasty I am being an ass girl. Bite my back, pull my hair.

Mark me with bites, sucks, welts and  please pierce me Master.I want to feel you and your bondage between my legs.


Treat me like the animal i am Master, feed me from a bowl on the floor, pull my leash to follow you and throw me in my cage.

Put me in rope Master, oh please bind me and sit and watch me, Not being able to move. I am for your viewing pleasure.

Thoughts of your bondage Master, send me over the edge, I shake, jiggle and then explode for You Master.... I lay there spent, and in afterglow..wishing You had seen how naughty I was this morning..with my actions and my words whispered and even shouted while I laid in my bed, naked and open for you Master.

xx

Part One....A basic need. She waits.

1. She waits and waits. Seems the slut always waits.

2. She craves and craves. Seems the slut always craves.

3. She dreams and dreams. Seems the slut always dreams.

~~~~  Part one of three ~~~~

1. She waits for Him. Either online or waits for the opportunity to see Master in person. Nearly three years into the relationship and there are other things she waits to happen. Master calls these things limits. She calls them basic and human wants and needs. She reflects and thinks about Maslow's hiercy of needs.

Want and needs are different she knows that. Every relationship is based on those being fulfilled. Needs should be fulfilled if possible, and wants can be granted by compromise, or even denied. For her, wants can be appeased.

She isn't allowed to bathe at her Master's house. Once or has it been twice she has asked and Master has said NO?He offered to shorten their time together so she will not have the need to bathe at his home.That is why she has not asked again.  Doesn't he see their time together as precious?  He tells her she will think "too much" of bathing? It makes her feel unworthy and not special. To her its not him being more Masterly. It's him not caring about basic needs. When she has to use a "trick rag/towel" it cheapens her submission and not in a good way.She doesn't feel special or treasured, just an object or weekend plaything when she has to ask for a rag to clean herself with.. She gives him her submission, trust and all that she can and she can't bathe. A basic need.

She always sees the glass half full. However, this is something that has been bothering her for awhile. It hurts her and while the length of her long term relationship is great and the relationship is wonderful, this is one thing that is lacking.

After time can't limits be re-evaluated as respect, trust, friendship and submission have grown and bloomed?

She just needs to be able to bathe. It isn't a grand request or uncomprehending. This is her way of asking and isn't her being bitchy. It's her way of bringing it to the table for discussion. She would never demand anything, as that is her not her nature. She's just asking.

Always Xx 

Lectures ...are needed sometimes...

Master and I enjoyed Wednesday evening together. It was a very special treat to be allowed to visit his home on a weekday. We attended a class together and spent a few hours later at his home. I drove home floating and had happy submissive thoughts all day long on Thursday. I completed my weekly assignments early, had them waiting to be emailed and was waiting on Master to come online. Wow how fast can a bubble be busted? I received a lecture. The previous night I had broke Master's rule.

Master requires me to ask for permission before I speak, and to always answer him with a yes Sir and no Sir. For the life of me I can't get this down to perfection. Am I stupid? Am I suffering from onset of early Alzheimer's Disease? Am I a sorry ass submissive? I fucked up plain and simple.

I waited all day to speak to him, I was still on that submissive high. The tears poured and the self doubt poured as well as I "listened" to the lecture. It's hard when you are told, You didn't  follow the rule, so you were not feeling submissive. Feelings are subjective, they are not objective. If they were objective, we would be mind readers and no one could hide how they feel or think.

So I sat and listened to my Master. The rule is the only real rule that he has. Well it isn't the ONLY rule, but the most IMPORTANT. It's not a hard rule or unrealistic rule. I do not ignore the rule to be disrespectful.

I apologized, and told Master I can do better and I will try. Perfect is something I do not profess to be. Perfection is not attainable or realistic. I have tried in the past with others to be "perfect" and that was self destructive. I embrace the fact that I am a submissive who is human and not perfect.

What I do not embrace or enjoy is knowing I have disappointed Master.  I let him down and by doing so let myself down. I want to obey and follow my Master's rules. That is who I am. I will do better. I can do better.

So what do Master's rules mean to me and how do they define me?

When I stepped into the "lifestyle" structure and rules were among the things I craved. They go right along with my need for service. I still need and desire rules, structure, and service to encompass my submission. This is what I searched for and this is what my Master is trying to give to me. I just need to be more alert and on my toes.

I need to listen and obey. I need to stop talking. Thats so hard for me, as I am a talky person. It just comes out of my mouth  and perhaps I need to practice what I preached to my children. Think before you speak!

I  want to make him happy. If Master isn't happy..I am not happy. I want to be what brings him pleasure and happiness. I want to be enough. Improvement is what I strive for and hope to attain..

I am sorry Master.
I can do better. xx

• Outside my window~ I see a crystal blue sky, hot humid air and a squirrel running atop the wooden fence.
• my thoughts~I made my bed this morning. Fresh sheets that are straight, crisp,smell like roses and I imagined playing, laying and sleeping in my bed, being held while I sleep and dream. Removing the "cob webs" from that side of my bed.

• Today's Quote..."The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of
  others."
  *~ Mahatma Gandhi  ( I do lose myself when I serve and give to him.)

• i am thankful for~Having my house painted by my son and friends. They did a wonderful job and now each time I pull into my drive I can look at my house and smile.
• From my service training~ completing online, (email) assignments from Master. Nothing concrete that I can touch, feel and physically give. I am thankful for anything from Master, for each and every second,minute and hour. I gladly devour every morsel he gives to me.
• From the kitchen~ A picnic menu. Light,cool and refreshing food.
• i am wearing~ Capri Jeans and a black tank top
• i am creating~Painting some furniture this weekend maybe. Writing and hopefully can start working on Master's quilt again soon.
• my adventures this week~Seeing Master at the Eagle on Wednesday and being allowed to visit him for a bit on a work night! That was a first! This weekend, a picnic late evening or even at dark. I saw a few people at the park the other night with a table set eating at nine o'clock or so. The heat is terrible during the day and even early evening.
• Becoming well read~ I am reading Tolstoy's Anna Karenina online and A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.
• Todays Melody~ This week and Today's music has been jazz and blues. playing lots of hot, soul music.
• One of my favorite things~Visiting my neighbor and grooming her dog, running to the store for her, just helping her out is one of my favorite things that I do. I enjoy just doing for her. Like me, it's only her. Her children are grown and/or  busy all the time and she is a widow. So in a way I can relate.
• Tuesday's Lecture~ Master's Time. I know he needs his time, just as I do. We both have our hobbies and families. I miss him so very much during are "off" weekends. I try to stay extra busy and focused on the half full glass.
• Picture of the week~ Yes, I wish he were here.