and the winner for BEST PERFORMANCE goes to.........................

Today is the day before Christmas Eve. I enjoyed a breakfast with my sons this morning and I am preparing for hopefully a short work day tomorrow. (Nurses are never allowed time off for each and every holiday).

I sit here in my comfy gown, sipping my warm coffee and ponder the holidays.

I plan on spending some time with my Father along with his "other family" and will see my sons for a bit on Christmas Day. (It sucks having to share sometimes).

Comfortable in my own company, I can't help but to feel lonely sometimes and the holidays do reinforce some of my loneliness. How I would love to have my house over running with my sons, their significant others and have that special someone in my life beside me as well.


Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. I just do not enjoy being alone on the holidays. I will paint my face along with my smile, be and do what I have to do for the holidays. Don't be surprised if I win an Oscar for this year's performance.

and if he only had asked..Had asked me just ONCE what I wanted for Christmas, What I wanted from Santa....

I would have said...All I want for Christmas...is for you to love me.

xx

Just Me Xx

Outside my window~ It is VERY cold this morning. I walked a mile and my teeth were chattering...I wore a tshirt sweater and my jacket and my nipples still ached.


My thoughts~ Enjoying the quiet...but this week/end I have really felt just alone. Sometimes I wish I could mean everything to someone, just anyone. I enjoy my independence, but sometimes its just nice to have someone beside you...Not all the time, just sometimes. Maybe it's hormones, maybe the way I have thought is a realization..who knows, i just hope it passes soon. (thats my weekly whine.)


Today’s Quote~Just a few words that caught my attention and thoughts as I read them a few months ago..Words that described her and i think sometimes me too:.

"Humger Thump"

"Nymphomania of the brain"

"Starvation of the Heart"


 

My Service~ I wish I could do more for Master..


From the Kitchen~ No idea yet today, just something healthy an NO DIET DINNER TODAY.


I am wearing~ A long sleeve tshirt and jogging pants...the fashion police should be beating my door down.


I am creating~ Working on Master's quilt. I really think it will be completed by the end of the year! I have worked on it on and off for the last two years, these last six months I have really concentrated on getting it completed.


My adventures this week~ Last weekend I saw Master and as always I had a wonderful time. ( I miss him so much this weekend.). I visited my son and his significant other yesterday in Chattanoooga.


What I am Reading~ All He Ever Wanted...by Anita Shreve.    (I wish I were all He ever wanted)


Music this Week~ Just radio music (Note to self to download some Rod Stewart, his newer songs)



Tuesday’s Lecture~ Putting Master FIRST, second and third. Wearing nylons, with runs or a new pair is putting Master first. Wearing heels is putting Master first. Giving a good Hand Job and being the hand job queen is putting Master first. Good girl you did a good job this week and it is ok sometimes not to get everything done on th e todo list. As long as you looked at it and thought about it and did a REAL EFFORT  to get things done.

Me Xx

Outside my window~ The moon is bright and full. I walked tonight and my eyes were drawn upwards to the sky, the moon and stars are beautiful tonight.


My thoughts~ Excited and elated to see Master tomorrow!


Today’s Quote~The secret of making dreams come true can be summarized in four C's. They
are Curiosity, Confidence, Courage, and Constancy; and the greatest of these
is Confidence.
*- Walt Disney


I am thankful for~soup on chilly evenings..coffee too.


My Service~ Working on my assignments.


From the Kitchen~Diet dinners..ugh. They are quick and easy but after awhile the taste just isn't great.


I am wearing~ A red shirt and black nylonish workout pants..no no NOT spandex h ahahha


I am creating~ Work continues on the quilt, i am almost finished with Seth's Monkey robe.


My adventures this week~ Last weekend I visited Cade's Cove in the mountains, spent the night and completed my Christmas Shopping. It was a nice getaway...


What I am Reading~ Almost finished with Decision Points...will finish tonight.


Music this Week~ Nothing special this week...just listened to the radio..think I would like to copy some of Rod Stewart's New music..it's soft, flowing and easy listening. My favorite time to listen to music is while driving back and forth to work...keeps me off the cell phone haha.


One of my Favorite things~ Lip gloss and or chap stick...walking in the cold weather dries the lips..no worry they are nice and soft ..yay for chap stick at night and lipstick during the day.


Tuesday’s Lecture~  Rule number 1  and how I have been doing incredibly good. It's hard sometimes to remember, I enjoy talking way too much and especially to Master. The lecture also had a part two..to make time for service this weekend.


Picture of the Week~

Just Me ....Xx

Outside my window~ The sky is gray, it is raining and the air has a chill. This kind of weather always seems to slow me down. I enjoy curling up and reading a book on cold, rainy days. Snuggling in bed is always fun too..Wish I had someone to snuggle with this weekend...


My thoughts~ Missing my Daddy. I wish I could spend more time with him. I guess that is a normal (typical) wish. When I am at home alone and my thoughts have time to wander, I wish I were serving and doing for Him.


Today’s Quote~ "Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're
going to do now and do it."
*– William C. Durant*


I am thankful for~ Being able to vote. Currently I am watching a new series on HBO, its based in the 1920's and it hits here and there on the suffrage movement. Yes, I voted this week. Daddy did not ask. But yes I voted..and to my dismay seems the republicans have gained control of the House of Reps. Tuesday..and we have a new Republican governor as well. Oh well, I am optimistic and not a die hard Democrat, surely things will get better.......


My Service~ The last time I saw Daddy I did not have time to clean, fill up ice trays or serve him domestically. It was a short maybe 10 hour visit. I'm downloading and doing my weekly assignments. Those are assignments, to keep me occupied I guess..It isn't the same as giving and doing something concrete and physical for Daddy.


From the Kitchen~ I have chicken boiling with veggies. I will shred the chicken and use it and the broth in a lentil stew I want to prepare and freeze for Daddy.


I am wearing~ A pink tshirt and jeans


I am creating~On my ironing board there are parts of Daddy's quilt, Seths new robe cut out and ready to sew, and on the sofa are the three pieces of wood that I plan to paint my favorite words "quote" onto and hang up.."Live, Laugh,Love" each piece of wood will have one of the words.


My adventures this week~Nothing exciting. I attended family reading night with Seth. I did not meet with my ""student"" this week, he was working overtime at the local cotton mill. He promised me he would do double time next with me. hahhaa.


What I am Reading~ I have so many other projects at this time, I haven't read anything much other than the Times and the Atlanta Journal. I have pre ordered my copy of Mark Twain's autobiography. I look forward to taking some free, me time to read that.


Music this Week~ Rhianna's part two. Its the second part to "Love the way You lie." The lyrics are very pretty, strong and emotional.


One of my Favorite things~ kissing my Daddy's picture and boots each night before I fall to sleep.


Tuesday’s Lecture~the IMPORTANCE of keeping up to day on the TODO LIST.

I'm not really allowed to comment during Tuesday's Lecture. So I type my thoughts here on my blog. I read the todo list often and I try my best to do everything on it. Daddy has no idea how much I wish I were granted the time to complete everything I am suppose to do. When I don't, I never say anything but I feel like I have failed or not served well. It debases my purpose and I feel like a sorry slave. There is only so much time and Daddy decides when we will spend time together, I can't be perfect, but I don't think I should be in err for something I have no control over.


Picture of the Week~  

Me xx

Outside my window~ The sky is a pretty shade of blue and the wind is rustling through the changing leaves, scattering a few and some hold on not wanting to let go. One would think it was spring time. As I sat on my back porch, I closed my eyes and listened to the birds...I think they are also thankful that the weather is much nice and not scorching hot.


My thoughts~ Missing. I missed the soccer game this morning. It was canceled. I missed seeing Nate. He came by while I was out shopping. I missed my Master online..Well I always miss him when not with him.


Today’s Quote~ I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.
- Thomas Jefferson



I am thankful for~ Open windows in my house. After being closed all summer it is nice to have them open and very nice to feel the air blowing inside.


My Service~ I am late on my weekly assignments and I sucked at the downloads this week. Never said I was perfect.I feel bad because I wish I could be perfect...


From the Kitchen~ I haven't "cooked" in a while. I am thinking tomorrow may be chicken and dumplings.YUM.


I am wearing~ Jeans and a black and white top. Soon to change into walking clothes for this evening.


I am creating~ Working on Master's quilt  here and there.


My adventures this week~Oh seeing Master at the Eagle and then receiving maintenance discipline after. I so enjoy our  ritual before we attend the ASS demo/class. That is what it has become, a ritual where we can connect briefly..and gosh i love it! When I see my Master, I want to put my hands all over his body to show that I am happy and hot to see him...and I found myself wishing as we stood at the bar..wanting him to put his hands all over me. Master gave to me my discipline and I enjoyed it so very much. It hurt and felt good at the same time. Now each time when I pause and replay it over in my thoughts..I take a deep breath and think to myself.."that was so fucking hot".I bite my bottom lip and think I want it again and more of it! I am very very lucky.


What I am Reading~ Listening to Seth read most nights. He enjoys reading very much so. I had a meeting Thursday with his teachers and one told me the cutest story. It was time for the class to go to another class to watch a movie and Seth was reading his book, the rest of the class had lined up and left, the teacher had to come back and get Seth..he was that into reading his book.


Music this Week~ Making a few cd's of new/old music.


One of my Favorite things~Cinnamon candy. The red hard candy in red wrappers. For some reason this time of year is when I always crave it. Maybe cinnamon reminds me of cool weather and warm blankets?


Tuesday’s Lecture~ Just because the best laid plans get a bit screwed doesn't mean the end of the world (actually more for me this lecture) as am pissed workjing on folks computer and haven't walked yet)..Was a short lecture as Master was busy. No, it doesn't mean the end of the world. However, every minute I get to share with him is special. I survived haha. I am looking so forward to his visit next weekend..no big plans, just do what we want to do etc al.


Picture of the Week~

Me xx

Outside my window~ I saw the moon welcoming the morning sun. The moon was faint, however it was there. Fall is right around the corner.


My thoughts~ Just thinking about what my day and weekend will be like. Going over my "to do" list mentally. It hasn't been a great week and I hope that this weekend will make up for that.


Today’s Quote~ "Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a
habit."
– Peter Ustinov



I am thankful for~  Scales that go down and not up when I step on them.


My Service~ Not really downloading atm due to technical difficulties. I am doing my weekly assignments....


From the Kitchen~ Special K cereal, tuna, tomatoes and lots of Chicken this week. I have lost 2 more pounds. I am also planning a meal for when Master visits in October.


I am wearing~ Tshirt and panties


I am creating~ My sewing machine is out and set up now. That is progress. I want to work on Master's quilt, that will  help me to smile.


My adventures this week~ I saw Master last weekend and it was a wonderful weekend. I took Seth to his soccer game last night, we won. My "student" is learning fast and I really enjoy those few hours each week that I am teaching, helping and giving back.


What I am Reading~ Nothing, I haven't had anything handy to interest me this week and don't think I could concentrate or be still long enough to actually sit down and read.


Music this Week~ I added a few more songs to my walking play list, which means the longer the music plays, the longer I walk.


One of my Favorite things~Full moons that light up the night sky and I can't stop my eyes from looking up and wondering if he is looking at the moon too.


Tuesday’s Lecture~ I accept that it was a lecture. .


Picture of the Week~

The butterfly girl....xx

Outside my window~ I haven’t looked today outside my window. The blinds are closed and the curtains are shut. Dow took Seth and picked him up for me. I feel horrible and look even worse than I feel.


My thoughts~ Sometimes I detest having only yahoo messenger and email to communicate with my Master. It is the only way he will allow, so it has worked….I think. When I need to hear him and talk to him..words typed are all that I have..When there is no tone or voice inflection in typed words things are sometimes misunderstood. I apologized for what I typed, or better yet how I typed it..I am still hurt that my Master would exchange several emails with a male submissive about his cock devices..even got the guys yahoo id, not that Master would use his id..Often I have been told, and I agree with Master that He/I/we can’t control w hat others do…but we can control what WE do………………………………........................So I read the emails..Master wanted to know more about this subs cock device, sent a few emails, and the sub has sent a few more…I did fall into the doms lil trap about the question the night before on another site..my answers were true to my relationship and ownership. I didn’t ask what toys he had, and the conversation was over. I wasn’t on the site to talk to people, or even put myself out there for Im’s or emails..I was there working on my weekly assignment for my Master.  It didn’t make me mad, or angry..just hurt me that he shared emails with a submissive about his cock toys…..Doesn’t matter if male or female..a submissive is a submissive.
I didn’t insult our relationship, our panties ..In my hurt heart this time I know I wasn’t wrong..and I guess or wish I could just not care who he talks with, and even then not sure that is a good thing either. Just saying I would never do that with another Dom or even Domme. He is my Master and I don‘t want to control what he does, so I guess I need to realize that he can email or chat with ever whom he pleases. Doesn’t mean I have to accept that. I am over it and do not care to discuss this anymore after typing it out.  I didn’t deserve to be called a bitch.


Today’s Quote~ “When the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object.” - Milan Kundera


I am thankful for~ Every day. I have a pretty picture on my phone now with a caption. It states: “We are only given today and never promised tomorrow. Be sure to tell someone that you love them“. I am thankful every day that I wake up and can tell someone that I love them. I sometimes wish to hear those words. But I don’t give my love with expectations..I give it freely, so it’s a wonderful thing…every day.


My Service~ I give all that my Master allows me to give, and I hope what I can give is enough, that he is happy. I am not perfect, my fetish isn’t cleaning..it is service and cleaning is grouped into that. I am not a house girl/maid..but a submissive with a slave’s heart that longs to serve her Master. I am just me.


From the Kitchen~ Nothing, I can’t taste and Seth made popcorn in the microwave while waiting on his dad to pick him up.


I am wearing~ tshirt, shorts, yellow panties, no bra and my black satin slippers.


I am creating~ Nothing, I can’t stop crying, sneezing and coughing long enough to touch anything. Its bad luck/karma to create or even to work on something when you hurt, or you’re just not yourself. It shows in what you create.


My adventures this week~ Master’s rope last weekend. While I can’t feel it on my body now..I can still feel it in my soul and mind. Our weekend together was great.


What I am Reading~ The Alchemist. I read this once a year. It’s time. I need the words and thoughts.


Music this Week~listening to my walking music makes walking much easier.