Reflection on my service...and I have an itch..

I have an "itch".

I am a bondage barbie, pain princess, a pig for His BOOTS, and a service kind of girl all wrapped up in one package. It has been weeks and I have an "itch."


While I submit in heart and mind while apart from my Master: I crave to feel Him in person.

Today my thoughts have been directed at service. I want to serve Him, give to Him and ultimately please Him.

Often I ask anything? Anything that I can do for You Master?

I do crave to worship his cock, feel his bondage and fly with his pain.. I crave even more so His pleasure in anything that I can give to him and in anything I can do for Him.

I found an email I wrote two years ago. Master had asked me about my perception of service. We were fairly new together at this time and I enjoyed the opportunity that allowed me to voice my view of service.

January 22, 2008

I would like to begin with saying "Thank you". No one has never asked me what service is or what it means to me. Over the last few days, I have thought often about that question and will try to the best of my ability to put into words what service means to me. Again, thank you Daddy Sir for asking. xx

This is how i feel about service. I haven't had a lot of experience with service. However, i know what i feel and who i am. xx

Service is what i do as a submissive to please. My service is offered to meet my Sir's needs and desires. Whether i am being masso to his sadist, his friend, his lover, his sex partner or serving him domestically. No one thing is beneath me in service to him. His needs and pleasures come first. Pleasing him, making him happy, and making his day/life easier meets the need that i have to serve.


i  like to use the adage "it's better to give than to receive", to describe the service part of myself. It isn't always the action of service, it is the attitude and thought processes that i go through. That is my core. My service submissive core. It also means that i take the good with the bad. Just because it isn't something i wouldn't like to do, doesn't mean i wouldn't do it. Again, much better to give to you and put your needs and desires first.


Serving you would be through the way that i behave, obey, carry out tasks, the way that i talk, walk, carry myself and serve you sexually.. Service is dedication to one. Serving would be pleasing you. Putting you at ease and making you happy. Service is a thought, an action. Thoughts and actions that are centered around you.


 i am  learning to ask to speak. Learning how to ask if there is anything that i can do for you Sir. Sir, may i massage you, Sir, may i make you a coffee, Sir, may i sweep your floor and scrub it, Sir, may i clean your ashtray,  Sir, may i iron or fold your laundry. Sir, may i service you sexually? The list can be infinite.


 i do want to offer service. i crave not only the things that we talk about and do, i crave serving you in many other ways. i crave to give you service, to put your desires and needs first. i want to do for you without being asked or being told to do. i want to see you smile when i offer service and do for YOU. . i really hope to please you in this area of service  the next time we meet. xx


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I smiled as I read over this email I wrote so long ago. We've come a long way Master..

xx

I am tired, sore and MOVED!

 The move went smoothly and I now reside in my " 'lil house."

Master was out of town this weekend.. I missed him. Staying busy with the move has helped lots.


He sent me a recording Thursday night of His voice. A "follow directions" trance induction recording. (I hope I have described this correctly).

I turned it on Friday and Saturday night and followed the directions. I get so hot hearing his voice, He could have recorded The Preamble to the Constitution and I would have gotten off!

It was hot to follow direction and feel my submission. Feeling in my place, I wanted to stay, own and hold on to that feeling.

I lit two candles,inserted Priscilla and laid on the floor as directed and listened to nearly 30 minutes of my Master's voice. I relaxed, grew wet and excited and came for my Daddy Master Sir.

and after the surge of electricity that I felt throughout my body and the release..I released another way. I cried...

I am still trying to figure out and realize why I cried. I remember a time  that I cried after masturbating and I don't like remembering that time period.

Was it exhaustion from work intertwined with a major move, missing Master and all the other daily, normal life bullshit?

Who knows? I can't wait to talk with Him and hopefully it will be soon. I waited hoping he would bend his limit and call me sometime over the weekend. I guess sometimes I hope for too much and should be thankful for what I do receive...

Tomorrow is Monday..Grr..I  hope for a pretty blue sky and a warm sun for such a dreadful day.


xx

Catch up time xx

Wow! It has been a few months since I last wrote here. 

A quick catch up:

I am moving into my little house. The house I have owned for sometime. The last few years the house was in use by a local shelter.I picked women that had shown great healing and progress. Abused and homeless women were the occupants of my little house. I found this house shortly after my Mother passed away and to deal with her death and what she went through I decided to help other women in the same circumstances that my mother was in most of her life. 

The last few months I have lived in an apartment and I haven't felt quite "at home". I have never lived in my little house and now, I plan on making it my home. 

Saturday is the big day and with my son's help and their friends we will get it done!

Writing continues with the book I am writing. I am not an English major, nor am I grammatically correct. It has been nice to sit in the quiet and expel my thoughts onto actual paper. I enjoy going back a few days later and reading what has escaped from my mind and heart. 

My middle son will turn 18 next week. My where has the time gone? Preparation for his graduation in May is ongoing. We are having a dispute. As when my oldest son graduated high school, I wanted to have family and friends over to celebrate. This son doesn't want that. He wants to leave right after the graduation ceremony and drive to Florida with his friends. Picking battles is what I do. Not sure if I want or should pick this one. 

Baseball season starts soon. My youngest will be playing in machine pitch this year. I am looking forward to watching my 'lil slugger play.

Work is work,is going smoothly and I do enjoy the long weekends every week. All nurses should have days off at a time, so that they may rest, recoup and avoid burn out.

Time with Master has, should I say been very limited. While I do not work part of the week, he does and chooses not to see me. That leaves the weekends and he has been busy, doing things with his father. I miss him very much. However, I have no place there with him when it comes to vanilla, normal things.. I am happy that he can enjoy his time with his father. 

Time away does not turn off desire, cravings and needs. I do my best not to whine. I feel like he takes it that I am whining now when I try to tell him I crave and need him. 


If I could whisper in his ear. I would whisper.."Master, I crave and need to feel you in so many ways. Master, please cage me, bind me, hurt me and enable me to revel in my submission to You. Master, I need to smell, touch, taste and feel you."


I am always his submissive. Its hard to feel connected, wanted and needed through words on a screen. 




That's my update and now that I am sharing this blog with my Master, I will be back more often as time allows.


xx